Quietening and redefining the need to achieve

Personality traits can certainly contribute to an overstimulated nervous system.

20 July 2020, Andrea Weber, Expansive Happiness

Acknowledging this, is both humbling and empowering; humbling in the sense that other things may be playing a role and empowering in the sense that there are things that can be changed.

I’m a big believer in cleaning both sides of the glass to see clearly.  It’s easy to keep looking outside of ourselves for causes and triggers but by also looking within, we’re giving ourselves expanded opportunities for learning and healing. 

As an example, many of us relate to having an inherent need to achieve, having to get everything done, doing everything perfectly so it’s done right in the eyes of others and satisfies our own high expectations, having to organise everything and everyone around us and always thinking ahead while keeping a watchful eye on how other people are doing things.  If you’re tired after reading this sentence, your nervous system probably feels the same way.

The need to achieve keeps us constantly on the go, supercharged to take on board whatever comes our way.  We’re a superhero in the making with our cape and boots at the ready!  The problem is, the more we show up in this way, the more overwhelm we create in our own lives and the more others become reliant on us to swoop in and ‘save the day’. 

 “Nothing’s too much trouble.”

 “Give it to me and I’ll do it.”

“If you want something done right, do it yourself.”

“A job well done is a job worth doing.”

We pride ourselves in the work we do and thrive on compliments and praise when our work is done well.  The fear of things ‘not getting done properly’ is often responsible for ‘taking over’ and managing things ourselves because we know we’ll get it right. 

While it’s great to have this trust in our own capabilities, we can actually start to lose faith in the abilities of others and unintentionally stifle their growth and learning.

Our children are often a great example of this.  Why is it that our teenagers don’t know how to use the oven or put on a load of washing?  It’s not because they can’t, it’s because they’ve never had to.   Even if it takes a little readjusting in the beginning, redistributing the workload is certainly worth the effort.

Other people are capable and can contribute if we are only willing to let them. 

Developing the necessary patience can be challenging but as we realise how important it is to slow down and create more balance in our lives, this patience will come.

When we were younger, achievement possibly meant getting top marks, winning an award or impressing our parents and friends.  While this may still be relevant for some of us, as adults we’re more likely to take on the role of being the ‘doer’ where our time and energy is constantly demanded in order to get everything done.

Perhaps it’s time to redefine this meaning?  What if we now saw achievement as making space for self-care and self-nurturing? 

In today’s busy world, creating this time for ourselves is something to be proud of.  It’s not the easiest thing to do and takes courage to shift the boundaries to enable it to happen.  It then requires attention and dedication to reap the rewards so in all sense of the word, qualifies as a real achievement.

By learning to quieten and redefine the need to achieve, we are well on our way to having more balance, calm and wellbeing in our lives.